Gone nutty
by Vianerd
Summary: Oneshot. A leisurely night of playing videogames and doing fun things takes an unexpected turn when a jar of.. really weird peanut butter has strange effects on ol' Mordecai. My first RS story ever! Characterization might be off. Contains mild Mordecai x Rigby, though I try to keep true to their original personalities. Warning; it's a bit silly and random.


Everything was peaceful… for once.

Just two dudes playing videogames together late at night and doing things their boss isn't supposed to find out about. But little did they know it would take an unexpected turn… well, that is to say - working at the park, and not just any park, nothing was unexpected anymore.

"Dude. We're the only ones here. Everyone's gone. You know what that means, dude? Do you? Huh? Do you?"  
A small brown raccoon jumped up and down on the couch excitedly, trying to get his friend's attention. Said friend just groaned.  
"Dude, you made me lose my game," he complained and pushed the other so he fell onto his back. It didn't seem to bother him. "Who cares about your stupid game when we've got THIS!"  
He skittered to the nearest cupboard and opened it. His friend who was playing the video game, a tall blue jay, just rolled his eyes.  
"It's Nutselluh!" he said eagerly and giggled to himself. "The thing everybody's going bananas for!"  
"I really don't feel much for sandwiches right now, Rigby…"  
"Aw, c'mon, Mordecai!" Rigby bounced up and down again, this time with the jar of chocolate spread in his little grubby hands. He advanced towards his friend. "I mean that we're gonna eat this stuff…" he paused for dramatic effect, squinting with a sneaky grin and pointing at it with his free hand. "…right from the jar."  
"No way." Mordecai grinned just as cheekily. "Gimme that."  
"Afraid this is the only one."  
"Dude, what?"  
"I'm sorry, man. Look, we still have a jar of peanut butter-"  
"Peanut butter from the jar? Pfft. You should hear yourself. Then why didn't _you_ take the peanut butter, aye, _buddy_?" There was a slight hint of sarcasm in his voice as his grin faded.  
The small raccoon looked from left to right shiftily. "I'm terribly allergic to peanuts."  
"You were allergic to eggs, not peanuts."  
"Dude, who says I can't be allergic to both eggs _and_ peanuts? Don't be such a turd! Besides, that's no ordinary peanut butter. It's really special." To accentuate his point, he waved his arms before the blue jay in an annoying manner, making an 'ooooo' sound as he did. Mordecai was unimpressed. He sighed, paused his game and went to get the jar of peanut butter. After all, after his friend's accident with the egg-eating contest a while ago, he didn't want to take any chances.

Meanwhile, Rigby was chuckling to himself, having opened his own jar and putting a spoonful of chocolate spread in his greedy little mouth. Nobody would know that he actually wasn't allergic to peanuts. Mordecai sat down next to him. "Is this what you always do when there's no-one around?"  
"Yep."  
They exchanged a few "hm, hm"'s in agreement and continued on their midnight snack.

The next day, Rigby was awoken by repetitive sounds of the video game's game over screen. They were both passed out on the chair and apparently somebody had forgotten to turn off the game, leading to an unavoidable game over. He yawned and shuffled over to the console to turn it off and back to check on his friend. Though when he did, the peanut butter jar dropped on the floor. He grabbed it and took a look inside. It was empty. He snickered.  
"Yo, Mordo. Didn't know you liked peanut butter that much."  
"Wha-…?" 'Mordo' awoke slowly, rubbing his eyes and sitting upright.  
"I barely even managed to eat half of it and your jar's all empty." Rigby was saying this as if he was impressed. "Peanut butter from the jar being lame after all, huh?"  
"Dude, shut up." As he opened his beak again, probably to rant about their impulsive behaviour last night or to say that they should really be cleaning up the place, he somehow couldn't speak properly. He just thought it was a sore throat. But suddenly, he _screeched_, sounding somewhat like a seagull, or any other regular-_regular_ bird.  
Rigby stared at him wide-eyed. "Dude. What was that."  
"What was what?"  
"You sounded like a banshee."  
"I did?"  
"Yeah, you did. …And it was awesome!" The small raccoon seemed rather elated about this unusual turn of events. He smirked. "We should go prank someone!"  
"Dude, I didn't-" _Shriiiieak_! Another shriek instead of normal, sophisticated English. This was beginning to concern him… but not Rigby, who seemed to find it all quite awesome.  
"C'mon, bro, let's scare the pants off people!" He jumped off the couch and ran towards the door on all four of his limbs.  
"No, Rigby, this is serious!" Mordecai spluttered. "Who knows what's–" Shriieieak! "…up with me."  
"Pfft. Just a bit of a sore throat is all," Rigby stood upright and waved his hand disdainfully. "C'mon, let's prank people."  
He opened the door, hoping his friend would follow along. But he didn't. He sat there on the couch, crossing his arms. This meant one thing – he was pissed. Rigby groaned loudly.  
"C'mon, dude! It's nothing serious, I'm sure! Don't be like this!" He ran back to his friend, poking his wing. He got no response. "Er… can I help you out with anyth–"  
Mordecai frowned and managed to speak without shrieking. "Get me peanut butter."  
"Uh, okay, I guess… dude, how much do those jars even cost?"

It took the raccoon a while, but eventually he returned with another jar of peanut butter of the same brand, which he might or might not have 'borrowed' from someone instead of buying it.  
"Alright, mister-grumpy-face, does this make up for it… whoa!" He couldn't say anything else as the jar was snatched from his paws and opened quickly. To make matters even more confusing, Mordecai didn't even bother using a spoon. He just ate it _right from the jar_-right from the jar, shoving his beak in it deeply and making disgusting eating noises.  
Rigby was appalled. "Erk-…! And who of us is supposed to have the good manners again?"  
Slurp. Slurp. Slurp. When the bird wasn't screeching, he was eating. It was… distasteful, to put it lightly. Now it was also beginning to concern his friend… for the first time.  
"Hey, uh, dude. That… can't be healthy. Not at all."  
The blue jay paused the unflattering display of poor table manners for a moment to glare at the raccoon. He shrieked again, sounding much more bird-like than before, before continuing.  
"Oh poop." was all that Rigby managed to say.  
This was unlike Mordecai. This was definitely unlike Mordecai. There was something terribly wrong here, and it was all his fault. The little raccoon shook his friend's wing in panic. Thankfully, the jar seemed to be empty now so he couldn't over-indulge any more.  
"Dude, get a hold of yourself!" he yelped. "What's happened to you? Come back! You're acting like a caveman!"  
He was met with a blank stare. A very intimidating blank stare. He feared the worst. Though when the blue jay opened his beak again, he didn't shriek. He chirped. Softly. It was almost friendly. He pulled the small raccoon close and, as unlikely as it seems… began preening him. Like birds did.  
"HEY! What's gotten into you, dude? Th-that's gay! That's so _gay_!" Rigby could splutter, whine, and protest all he wanted to; he was still the weaker of the two and didn't stand a chance against his much-stronger friend. He wasn't sure what to feel. On one hand, this felt rather comforting, in some weird way. But on the other hand… his friend was acting like a feral animal.  
While he was preening, Mordecai appeared to regain consciousness slowly. His eyes widened when he realized what he was doing.  
"Aw, gross!" He pulled back at once, pushing Rigby as far away from him as he could. He almost appeared to be frightened, but then the sudden change might've scared his smaller friend. "Uh… sorry, dude. What was that all about?"  
The raccoon sat upright and spoke in a deadpan voice. "You ate peanut butter. An entire jar of it."  
"Oh my gosh… I did?"  
"Yep. And it turned you into a _beast_. Not the sexy beast kind of beast, but just…"  
"Heh. Odd choice of words there when I just let you go from what appeared to be an intimate embrace, bro."  
"STOP TALKING!"  
Mordecai opened his beak again for a witty retort, but again… _Wee-oooooh_! He could only screech.  
It gave Rigby enough time to retaliate the little quip from before. "Heh… practicing on your bird calls?"  
"Dude, shut up."  
"Alright. We should see Skips about it."

And so they did. When they confronted the large yeti, he was meditating. Rigby was the first to say something.  
"Hey, Skips, we've got a problem–"  
"Let me guess," Skips said, not moving from his position. "Mordecai ate some weird kind of peanut butter and is now screeching like a feral bird."  
"Dude, how'd you know?"  
"I dunno. Guess I just did."  
Rigby planted his front paws on his hips and cast a sideways glance at his bird friend, who was apparently distraught by a gust of chill air and fluffed up all his feathers. It was a funny sight because the only things that moved were his feathers, so he began snickering. The unsuspecting raccoon was promptly met with a punch to his left arm. The bird was still enough himself to do _that_.  
"I've heard of this. It's not good." Skips mumbled softly. "What kind of brand was the peanut butter?"  
Rigby shrugged as he rubbed his sore arm. "Uh, I dunno. Gone Nutty, or something like that…"  
"There you have it."  
"What?"  
"That brand's got an extra ingredient that makes it irresistible to everyone… but blue jays can't cope with it. It turns them… well. It gets bad."  
Mordecai's feathers went back to normal and he groaned.  
"Is there any kind of antidote?" Rigby pleaded. He seemed rather upset, though it was uncertain if this was because of the punch he had received earlier or because his friend might as well never be able to speak again. Probably the former.  
"Not that I know of."  
"Yeah, uh… thanks, Skips."  
The raccoon left the yeti's house with his friend in tow.

He came to the conclusion that even though Mordo begged for more peanut butter, it would only get worse. So he locked him up in the house. Rigby went everywhere to ask about it and what he could do about it, but to no avail.

When he reached the house again, he panted and gasped from having ran everywhere. "I'm sorry, Mordo, couldn't find anything and I guess you'll just have to cope with not having peanut butter for a while now. I'm sorry, I really am."  
He opened the door and went inside. Though he didn't see his friend – at first, at least. There, on the couch, was another empty jar of peanut butter that was apparently still in the house. On its rim perched a small, absurdly correct-sized blue jay. Rigby could not believe his eyes.  
"Mordecai!" he yelped and rushed towards the small bird with the brilliantly blue feathers. It flew away as soon as he came too close. He couldn't help but utter a sob. "M-Mordo…? Is that you? Please tell me it's not you and that this is all some horrible nightmare…"  
He buried his face in the couch, weeping. The bird, which was now perched on the back of the couch, fluttered down and sat next to the raccoon where it began preening him.  
It said nothing. Instead, the little avian chirped as friendly as he did before, and uttered some sounds that sounded an awful lot like words. It sounded like he was saying… dude. And yeah-uh.  
Rigby raised his head and looked at the bird forlornly. "It _is_ you, isn't it."  
The blue jay lowered his head and chirruped something that sounded like 'sorry'.  
"No, don't be. I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm… not allergic to peanuts. I lied."  
The bird didn't faze.  
"Y-you… can have the Nutselluh if you want… before you fly away, because I'll understand if you would never want to see me again now."  
There was still about one-third left in the jar of chocolate spread. The raccoon reached for it and shoved it in front of the bird. It jumped on the edge, using its longer tail to keep balance, and dipped its head down, taking a good chunk of the goodness in its beak.  
While it did, Rigby was beyond himself with guilt. He buried his head in the couch again and kept sobbing. Mordecai was now degraded to a, well, less-than-sufficient version of himself, and it was all his fault. Though he had no clue that he had actually done something that definitely wouldn't go unnoticed…

His sobbing reached no end. It was only when he felt a soft, feathery hand pet his head that he thought he was dreaming. And when he heard that voice. A hushed, somewhat friendly, familiar voice.  
"Hey, dude. Stop it. I'm right here."  
He looked up in disbelief and it was true. Mordecai was back.  
"Dude!" Rigby only called out. "I missed you… uh."  
He straightened himself and unlikely as it seems, actually hugged the much larger bird, who only chuckled.  
"Well, what the H is this, dude? You're actually hugging me? I thought you didn't like hugs!"  
"Only 'cause you're so fluffy."  
Enough of a reason to me, thought Mordecai as he wrapped his wings around the other. "I missed talking to you, dude."  
"So did I."  
When they pulled back, an awkward silence commenced. Rigby smirked deviously. Seemed as if he had already got another trick up his sleeve.  
"Got your wallet." he declared triumphantly as he waved said wallet around. So much for brohugs.  
Being done with friendly casualties, Mordecai gritted his teeth and attempted to snatch the wallet from his friend's greedy little hands, who sneakily kept it out of his reach.  
"Dude! Give that back, you little jerk!"

He promptly ran off snickering and the bird gave chase.


End file.
